Pictures of his dead wife are not adorning his nightstand and his home does not resemble Miss Havisham‘s ballroom.He doesn’t cower under the weight of disapproval from children, in-laws or friends.
I sit back down, slide my laptop over, hit refresh. In a world of social media and worldwide gossip, neighbours no longer need to walk three miles to gossip about the love life of the local widow.
A good number of Google searches bringing readers to this blog lately have been searching for proof that their widower boyfriend loves them. Or are you engaging in the centuries old female pastime of reading between a man’s lines like they were leaves at the bottom of a tea-cup? My advice, and it’s hardly revolutionary, is simply ask. Although I have been told – by widowed folk – that sex just happens because of the loneliness and pain of loss. A widowed man who comes a courting, regardless of where he is in the mythical grief process, is perfectly able to deal with the fallout, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Why they are searching the Internet for the answer to a question that only their widower can provide, I hesitate to guess though I bet I could. Cher would tell you it’s in his kiss, but it’s in his actions. With men (and women too really, the whole “Venus and Mars” thing is mostly based on stereotypical crap), words will only take a person so far if there is nothing concrete to back them up. And no, it’s not pushy or stalkerish or demanding to ask some very basic questions of the guy you are in all probability getting naked with on a regular basis*. Cut no man (or woman) slack because they’ve been widowed. The ones that people use because they know they’ll work.
Resist the urge, says Keogh, and let the man take the initiative to contact you and arrange dates.
If he is truly interested in a long-term commitment, he will make an effort to be with you.